Assertiveness
When it comes to physiology of human body, the body’s immune system functions in a way to let in friendly
cells and to defend itself against the enemy. This system fights disease-causing bacteria. When it comes to the
psychology of human mind, one pays attention, one can’t help but notice that the immune system’s function is
similar to the concept of assertiveness in human psychology.
We say that a balanced human being attracts what is beneficial and resists what is harmful, or at least should
learn to do so. Assertiveness is a balanced form between aggressiveness and passiveness. An aggressive person
may drive away many constructive elements and a passive person may be a magnet for many harmful ones. But
someone who learns to be assertive becomes more skilled at knowing what to drive toward and what to drive
away. Assertiveness is a defense system not an offense one.
A person who wants to experience her true self, a person who wants to get rid of all deception, and one who
wants to be liberated, actualized, determined, and discover herself must learn to respect and express herself. For
a person to learn to respect herself, she must learn her boundaries, clarify them, communicate, and defend them.
Assertiveness is a tool for doing that.
There are basically three types of behavioral patterns that people use to relate to each other: Aggressive, passive,
and assertive. The first type of behavioral pattern which is aggression is related to dominance, wanting to take
advantage of others, and crossing other people’s boundaries. Aggressiveness is when one expresses her rights at
the expense, deprivation, or embarrassment of another. Aggression can become emotionally or physically
vigorous, not allowing the other person’s rights to surface. There are two types of aggression which are
passive aggression and active one. The first is the most dangerous since these people do not show their feelings
and act in manipulative ways.
The second type of behavioral pattern is passivity. Passivity is submission to, and being invaded and devalued
by others. Passivity happens when a person submits to another’s dominance behavior, putting her own wishes
and needs aside to pay attention to fulfilling the wishes and desires of the dominant partner.
The second type of behavioral pattern is assertiveness which is the balanced form of the above two.
Assertiveness is the ability for self-expression in healthy ways, without violating the rights of others. It is self
defense not attach. Assertiveness is a straight, open, and sincere communication, which helps the individual feel
a sense of self-enhancement, self-expression, and self-confidence. It also helps one to receive and give more
respect. Expressing one’s thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly communicates the person’s needs and
intentions is a great way for a person to experience her true self. In order to be able to get assertive, one must
value herself. Being assertive is different than being selfish. Acting in selfish ways means that one is violating the
rights of others, which are destructive and aggressive acts instead of constructive and assertive ones.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PysD
January 2006
Copyright@2008RoyaRohaniRad
When it comes to physiology of human body, the body’s immune system functions in a way to let in friendly
cells and to defend itself against the enemy. This system fights disease-causing bacteria. When it comes to the
psychology of human mind, one pays attention, one can’t help but notice that the immune system’s function is
similar to the concept of assertiveness in human psychology.
We say that a balanced human being attracts what is beneficial and resists what is harmful, or at least should
learn to do so. Assertiveness is a balanced form between aggressiveness and passiveness. An aggressive person
may drive away many constructive elements and a passive person may be a magnet for many harmful ones. But
someone who learns to be assertive becomes more skilled at knowing what to drive toward and what to drive
away. Assertiveness is a defense system not an offense one.
A person who wants to experience her true self, a person who wants to get rid of all deception, and one who
wants to be liberated, actualized, determined, and discover herself must learn to respect and express herself. For
a person to learn to respect herself, she must learn her boundaries, clarify them, communicate, and defend them.
Assertiveness is a tool for doing that.
There are basically three types of behavioral patterns that people use to relate to each other: Aggressive, passive,
and assertive. The first type of behavioral pattern which is aggression is related to dominance, wanting to take
advantage of others, and crossing other people’s boundaries. Aggressiveness is when one expresses her rights at
the expense, deprivation, or embarrassment of another. Aggression can become emotionally or physically
vigorous, not allowing the other person’s rights to surface. There are two types of aggression which are
passive aggression and active one. The first is the most dangerous since these people do not show their feelings
and act in manipulative ways.
The second type of behavioral pattern is passivity. Passivity is submission to, and being invaded and devalued
by others. Passivity happens when a person submits to another’s dominance behavior, putting her own wishes
and needs aside to pay attention to fulfilling the wishes and desires of the dominant partner.
The second type of behavioral pattern is assertiveness which is the balanced form of the above two.
Assertiveness is the ability for self-expression in healthy ways, without violating the rights of others. It is self
defense not attach. Assertiveness is a straight, open, and sincere communication, which helps the individual feel
a sense of self-enhancement, self-expression, and self-confidence. It also helps one to receive and give more
respect. Expressing one’s thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly communicates the person’s needs and
intentions is a great way for a person to experience her true self. In order to be able to get assertive, one must
value herself. Being assertive is different than being selfish. Acting in selfish ways means that one is violating the
rights of others, which are destructive and aggressive acts instead of constructive and assertive ones.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PysD
January 2006
Copyright@2008RoyaRohaniRad
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