Articles
Self Knowledge Base & Foundation
Self Actualization
Self-actualization is a process first described by a psychologist named Maslow. There have been some additions to the term since then, but, in general,
it refers to people who welcome reality and facts rather than rejecting the truth, who have high peak experiences, and are relatively tolerant of
themselves and others. It seems that humans have a natural tendency toward self-actualization, in order to develop their potential, so that they feel an
enhanced sense of self. This natural tendency encourages a sense of equivalence within the person. An equivalence that gives the person a sense of
inner peacefulness.
Self-actualization is considered to be a more mature way of comprehending life as it unfolds. Self-actualized individuals seem to have a sense of purpose
for life, genuine interpersonal relationships that are meaningful in quality, not quantity, consequential activities, logical ways of thinking, ability to
identify with higher human values, and self-respect. Individuals functioning at this level seem to have moved beyond the ego-oriented needs of Maslow’
s hierarchy to identify more with their sense of higher self.
Further, self-actualized individuals tend to focus most of their time in the present. They have learned ways to cope with past memories that might
have been negative, letting go of the resentments and anger, or any other negative emotions related to these memories. They seem to see life as a
continuum, and seem to be more aware of how their life is unfolding and how it is evolving toward a profound purpose, resulting in a more logical
acceptance of what is to come. They seem to be more in tuned with reality as it unfolds rather than living in a fantasy world with unrealistic
expectations and constant struggle to satisfy basic needs.
Self-actualized people tend to have inner-directed, independent, and self-supportive behaviors. They seem to have less need for approval from other
people because they have found ways to accept themselves. They accept all of themselves, strengths or weaknesses, and have found a way to
understand that only with acceptance change is possible. They understand that no one can change though being in denial. They don’t function from
other people’s expectations and perceptions but only those of themselves. This does not mean that they are not concerned, and neither does it mean
that they are not connected with other peoples' matters, but it does mean that their decisions are made from their own core of consciousness. People
who have been able to get to this level of maturation follow their own inner vision, have fewer needs and attachments, are not very concerned with
results, have their own definition of what is productive for them, and are aware of the choices and the effect these choices have on them and the world.
In addition, they are willing to take responsible risks.
The main blockages to self-actualization are fear of challenge, irrational beliefs, and lack of knowledge about self and surroundings, and the inability to
apply the knowledge to make the self grow intellectually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To deal with the fear of challenges, we should
understand that, like all other emotions, fear in balanced form is useful for our survival and development. In the right capacity, fear is an emotion we
need, but too much of it can prevent us from doing things that might be necessary or productive for our life. It could also prevent us from doing things
that might seem uncertain or risky.
There are rational and irrational fears. For example, fear of snakes is a rational fear that keeps us safe from being hurt by them. However, we have to
learn ways to let go of our irrational fear. This can be accomplished by learning the root of the fear, visualizing how our life will change if we challenge
that irrational fear; challenging the irrationality with more rational ways of thinking, and finally with facing the fear. Reasonable fear is a necessity,
unreasonable fear is an obstruction.
When it comes to self-actualization, behaviors that go against the individual’s actualizing predisposition generate inadequacy in the sense of self.
Individuals sometimes use defenses to escape the fear or discomfort they may face in their lifetime. They may twist perceptions of reality to reduce
what they see as a threat, or they can act in ways that avoid becoming aware of the threatening experiences, for example, by ignoring or denying it. We
can see people who blame their failures on causes outside themselves while crediting themselves for their successes. These behaviors may lead to self-
handicapping strategies that prevent the individual from walking away from that which is unproductive, the comfort zone, and the zone that the
individual gets used to but is unhealthy for her. This by itself creates the inability to move up the ladder of being toward maturity.
Self actualizes are followers of their own essence and create a healthy life for themselves and as a result have the ability to give back more to the
world without even trying to do so.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Self Esteem
Someone who truly learns to know her/his Self, is more able to value her/his core being. This is where the concept of Self-esteem arises. In
psychology, Self-esteem or Self-worth is described as an individual’s subjective evaluation of herself. It includes both beliefs and emotions that are
related to the individual. A person with a healthy sense of self esteem starts to learn about himself and sees and accepts it as an entity with strengths,
weaknesses, potentials, and limitations. Self esteem is a basic human need and is essential to the progression in life. One would be able to find her/his
true value when s/he learns to acknowledge and discover the true meaning of being.
The sensation of deep emotions we feel occasionally can be engulfing. We are all in search of the meaning of life, one way or the other. As teenagers,
we start the process of forming our identity and we think of the meaning of life. Who are we, what is our role here, and many other deep questions.
Seeking for that one pathway that belongs to us. One that is not imitated, nor imposed, neither is it just a fantasy. It is a pathway that we've truly
come to love and understand because it belongs to us. We don't know were it may end, it seems continuous, but we feel like we belong there.
Therefore, even that sense of loneliness has a taste of joy to it because there is hope. A true hope stemming from knowledge.
Soruce: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Maslow's pyramid of needs
Maslow states that humans are motivated by unsatisfied needs and that certain lower needs need to be satisfied before higher needs can be attended. .
He said that the general needs of physiological, safety, love, and esteem have to meet and fulfilled before a person is able to act unselfishly. He
categorized these needs as deficiency needs. When a person is able to fulfill these basic needs, s/he continues to move up the ladder of growth toward
self actualization. The satisfaction of these needs are healthy while preventing their gratification without replacing them with something healthy may
create illness or evil acts in a person consciously or uncannily.
As a result, for adequate self discovery process, it is important that individuals understand which needs are active for them and what creates their
motivation in life in order to understand their intentions behind their behavior. This will help them get more in tuned with their unconscious mind.
Maslow's model indicates that basic, low-level needs such as physiological requirements and safety must be satisfied before higher-level needs such as
self-fulfillment are pursued. As depicted in this hierarchical diagram, sometimes called 'Maslow's Needs Pyramid' or 'Maslow's Needs Triangle', when a
need is satisfied it no longer motivates and the next higher need takes its place.
Level 1: Biological and Physiological needs. Basic life needs like air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, homeostasis, breathing, water, excretions, etc.
Level 2: Safety needs. Protection, security, order, law, limits, stability, personal security, financial security, health and well being, safety net against
accidents/illness and adverse impacts.
Level 3: Belonging and love needs. Family, affection, relationships, work group, social/cultural/religious groups, friendship, intimacy, having a
supportive and communicative groups to belong to, giving and receiving love.
Level 4: Esteems needs met by external factors. Achievement, status, responsibility, reputation, recognition, attention, social status.
Level 5: Esteems needs met by internal factors, accomplishment, self respect, inner sense of contentment with one’s self.
Level 6: Self Actualization. Personal growth and fulfillment, truth, justice, wisdom, meaning in life, peak experiences, energized, harmony, always
finding opportunities to grow, striving for full potential, awareness of self. According to Maslow, only 2% get to be here not because they cannot but
because they get stuck at fulfilling the lower needs.
Level 6 (deeper into it): Need for Aesthetics and knowledge. Maslow later added this as a part of self actualization but further down that level. .
Level 7: Self Transformation. This is where the individual experiences the ultimate state of inner liberation being free from the concept of "self" and
living from being connected to something bigger. This is where the individual gets free from anxious attachments, neediness, irrational thinking,
unbalanced emotions, impulses, and being dragged by the ego. Perhaps, something like what some of the prophets reported to have experienced.
It is important to note that this pyramid and the experiences related to each level are different for different individuals. Different individuals may be
capable of moving faster, slower, not at all, or jumping from one to the other depending on their unique personalities, abilities, limitations, strengths,
and innately born talents. In addition, some individuals have the ability to replace an unmet need with something positive to fulfill its empty feeling. It
all goes back to the concept of self awareness, self discovery, and finding that unique way that works for each individual. Carl Jung encourages self
realization which may change the process of self transformation. I have written extensively about Carl Jung and will add more to this website as time
goes by.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship
In a relationship, whether it is a romantic one or parent/child or any other type, when there is any form of neglect or abuse, from mild to severe,
emotional, physical, or even sexual, there are consequences. Abuse or neglect by a family member seems like a betrayal of trust and an intrusion of
boundaries, which may damage the child’s feelings of having a safe environment. The fact we should consider is that abuse or neglect does not,
inescapably, lead to psychological and emotional issues, and there are many cases of people who have experienced these and have been able to find
helpful resources and healthy lifestyle patterns to overcome these difficulties.
There are a combination of factors, like predisposed personality traits, other support systems, and skills used by the individual to overcome these
issues, which can change the outcome of the abuse or neglect. Many individuals who have experienced neglect or abuse are able to live a healthy and
balanced life. But, for some, it may have intense outcomes that can lead to problems for the rest of their lives.
For example, feelings of powerlessness, loss of control, guilt, shame, isolation, loss of trust, which may lead to further problems in interpersonal
relationships and social functioning, depression, low self esteem, dissociative symptoms, flashbacks and nightmares, and physical symptoms. In
addition, self-destructive behaviors like smoking, drug abuse, unsafe sex, getting involved in abusive and controlling relationships, alcohol abuse, and
eating problems can be another consequence. Sometimes individuals with a history of childhood abuse or neglect may be unable to form intimate and
trusting relationships with others.
We, as humans, make self-regulating adjustments as a result of the overall situation. At some point, we might realize our personal responsibility, related
to the situations surrounding our lives, after becoming more aware. At other times, one may get stuck in the denial phase and not become aware of his
or her own responsibilities, therefore blaming everyone except himself or herself.
One factor to acknowledge is that we’re all trapped in webs of relationships. Surroundings affect us, and we affect our surroundings, one way or
another, directly or indirectly. To become more aware of our state of being and our relationship with our surroundings, we have to learn to experience
the present moment. We also experience our surroundings based on our old attitudes. The person should become aware of that. One has to learn to find
a balance between what’s happening in the context of the process, rather than content. One has to find a middle ground between actions, thoughts,
feelings at the present time, and what might be, was, should be, or ought to be. Awareness is, again, the key. It means that what we perceive, feel, and
how we behave are separate from how we interpret, explain, and judge the distinction between our direct experience and secondary (indirect)
interpretation. By learning to accept, it gets easier to let go of past baggage.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Negative and Harmful Acts:
With everything in life, there is much more than can be seen and has been discovered in this world. When it comes to hateful, harmful, and damaging
acts toward others, there are many reasons or combinations of reasons for them. The reasons range from unmet or unattended needs, an unhealthy
environment in which one has grown up, and, in some cases, some predisposed biological factors, which all lead a person to not be able to find his or
her role and place in life, causing confusion and distress. That sense of distress will be projected onto others, one way or another. This tendency
emerges from two systems in the brain. One is the emotional one. The other is the rational one.
Our emotional side usually causes a shortcut response to the problem and encourages immediate action, despite what the long term effects may be. It’s
impulsive and immature.
The rational side helps us calculate the situation rationally, comes up with a solution that consists of both short- and long-term effects, and has the
most productivity. Scientists don’t know how these two systems interact or why, sometimes, the two sides take contradictory courses of action.
Scientist also don’t know how the billions of the neurons in our brains are connected to one another. Until they figure this out, it will be hard for them
to understand how perception and behavior are formed. Scientists believe that they will be able to identify a common circuit for everyone, and figure
out the functions of specific neuronal pathways, hopefully in the near future. Everyone, however, has different synaptic connections that result from
the individual experience.
So, the base is the same, but may produce different reactions. The one thing that we know, working with clients and through our clinical work as
psychologists, is that humans have this extraordinary power to be in control of their emotions and thoughts, and even to change a habitual behavior.
That is true even if they were genetically pre-disposed to something. They are still given the power to change it. It may take a lot of effort and
determination to go about changing something that has become a part of us for so long, but once we get to a level of self-awareness, and realize the
effects in a more multifaceted fashion, we will become more dedicated to initiating the change. I would like, for one thing, to congratulate you for your
willingness and your awareness to go through the process. I should say that you have become a transformed person. I have truly enjoyed working with
you.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Defenses
Psychological defense mechanisms are an important aspect of a person’s mental growth that he or she must become familiar with. These are
psychological strategies that individuals use to cope with the reality of life, and to maintain their self-image in one piece. All of us use many different
defenses during our lifetimes but these become pathological if they’re used all the time, and lead to maladaptive behaviors that threaten the person’s
wellbeing. We have pathological, immature, neurotic, and mature types of defenses.
Pathological defenses are the those that prevent the person from being able to deal with a real threat and see reality clearly. An example of this would be
a person who is so deeply in denial that there is a problem; a controlling husband who says his marriage is “perfect,” an alcoholic who says he is not
addicted to alcohol, a person who keeps on making the same mistakes over and over again, destroying her or his life, and keeps on blaming everyone but
herself for the mistakes, etc. An immature type of defense is the one used in childhood and adolescence, but mostly discarded in adulthood, since they
may lead to socially unacceptable behavior. As children and teenagers we can’t see reality as it really is. We see the surface part of everything, people,
places etc. But as we grow, our ability to comprehend should be growing, if we’re being nurtured in a healthy environment.
The other type of defense, which is neurotic, is the one that does not deal with reality and can cause many problems in all areas of life, especially in
interrelationships and enjoying life. The last defense, which is the mature defense, is used by “mentally healthy” adults.
Let’s put them into levels according to severity of problems they may cause in the person. Then try to process it and reflect it back to yourself.
Level 1 defenses are the ones that are almost always pathological, because the person uses them to rearrange external reality so he or she won’t have to
deal with it. These are denial, distortion, and delusional projection. An example of denial is a person who refuses to accept reality. We see people who
deny they have a problem, despite the obvious signs of having one.
The next one is distortion, which is when someone reshapes external reality to meet internal needs. This would be a wife who is extremely unhappy in
her marriage, but will reshape her reality of what she sees in a way to be able to get some form of inner satisfaction.
In the next defense, delusional projection, one projects his or her inner blockages onto that of the other. This is a person who suffers from extreme anger
and sees everyone else threatening her in an angry way. This is called delusional, because it is, in its extreme forms. Before we go any further with this,
I want to ask what you think of this.
The second group of defense mechanisms includes fantasy, projection, hypochondria, and passive-aggressive behaviors. This group of defenses is used
by many adults and adolescents. If one just uses them every once in a while, these may adjust distress and anxiety imposed by other people or the real
world. For those who use these on a regular basis, they’re considered to be immature defenses, and lead to serious problems in the person’s ability to
cope with the real world.
In fantasy, people draw back into fantasy to resolve inner and outer conflicts. For example, these people would go into a made-up and imaginary world
to escape their problems, rather than concentrating on a solution. In projection, the person blames another for his feelings. Prejudice and severe jealousy
may come from this type of defense. In the passive-aggressive type of defense, which was what we assumed your ex-husband used a lot, the person
expresses his aggression toward another indirectly.
In the last defense, which is acting-out behavior, the person directly expresses an unconscious wish or impulse to avoid being conscious of the emotion
that goes with that impulse. For example, a person who is very angry and acts out in an angry way may have some very painful emotions that he’s
trying to hide, because he’s not ready to face them.
Then comes level three of the defense mechanisms. These are fairly common in adults, and many normally functioning adults use them. These may have
short-term benefits, but long-term problems in relationships and daily life, and enjoying life in general. These are intellectualization, repression, reaction
formation, displacement, and distortion.
Intellectualization is when one tries to separate oneself from emotions, thinking, not acting.
Repression is when the emotion is conscious but the idea that is behind it is absent. For example, “I’m feeling really sad, but I won’t think about it.”
Reaction formation is to act completely opposite from what one wants or feels, for example taking care of someone when you want to be taken care of.
This will or may work in short run, but will break down in the long run.
The other defense at this level is displacement, which is separating an emotion and redirecting the intense emotion toward someone or something that is
less unpleasant or threatening in order to avoid dealing with what is frightening or directly threatening.
Another defense is dissociation, which is a temporary and extreme adjustment of one’s personal identity or temperament to avoid emotional suffering.
Then there is the last level of defenses, which are common among the most mentally healthy adults. At this level, the individual can use these defenses
to master his pleasure and feelings, and to integrate many of the conflicting emotions and thoughts and still make them be effective. These are
sublimation, altruism, suppression, anticipation, and humor.
Sublimation is converting negative emotions into positive actions. This is an example of someone who turns his anger toward someone and does some
kind things for another person.
Altruism is when one gives constructive services to others that brings himself a sense of satisfaction.
Suppression is the conscious decision to postpone paying attention to an emotion or need in order to cope with the present reality, but then the
emotion is attended to and processed.
At a later time, anticipation is a realistic planning for future unpleasant events.
And humor is an over-expression of ideas and feelings that gives pleasure to others.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Assertiveness
Just like the body’s immune system and how it functions; how its cells let in friendly cells, and they defend themselves against the enemy, how they
fight disease-causing bacteria. When one pays attention, one can’t help but notice that the immune system’s function is similar to the concept of
assertiveness in human psychology.
We say that a balanced human being attracts what is beneficial and resists what is harmful to him, or at least should learn to do so. Assertiveness is a
balanced form between aggressiveness and passiveness. An aggressive person may drive away many constructive elements and a passive person may be
a magnet for many harmful ones. But someone who learns to be assertive becomes skilled at knowing what to drive toward and what to drive away.
A person who wants to experience her true self, a person who wants to get rid of all deception, and one who wants to be liberated, actualized,
determined, and discover herself must learn to respect and express herself. For a person to learn to respect herself, she must learn her boundaries,
clarify them, and communicate them. Assertiveness is a tool for doing that.
There are basically three types of behavioral patterns that people use to relate to each other: Aggressive, passive, and assertive.
Aggression is related to dominance, wanting to take advantage of others, and crossing other people’s boundaries. Aggressiveness is when one expresses
her rights at the expense, deprivation, or embarrassment of another. Aggression can become emotionally or physically vigorous, not allowing the other
person’s rights to surface.
Passivity is submission to, and being invaded and devalued by others. Passivity happens when a person submits to another’s dominance behavior,
putting her own wishes and desires aside to pay attention to fulfilling the wishes and desires of the dominant partner.
However, assertiveness is the balanced form of the above two. Assertiveness is the ability for self-expression in healthy ways, without violating the
rights of others and crossing their boundaries. Assertiveness is a straight, open, and sincere communication, which helps the individual feel a sense of
self-enhancement, self-expression, and self-confidence. It also helps one to receive and give more respect. Expressing one’s thoughts and feelings in a
way that clearly communicates the person’s needs and intentions is a great way for a person to experience her true self. In order to be able to get
assertive, we must value ourselves. Being assertive is different than being selfish. Acting in selfish ways means that one is violating the rights of others,
which are destructive and aggressive acts instead of constructive and assertive ones.
In the following poem, Rumi seems to be describing healthy boundaries, self-respect, assertiveness, healthy relationships, selective association, being
knowledgeable about what we want, and having the ability to arrange our environment in a way that complements and is in harmony with our
intentions in life. This includes the ability to self-express and communicate our needs and wants in life.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PysD
Self-actualization is a process first described by a psychologist named Maslow. There have been some additions to the term since then, but, in general,
it refers to people who welcome reality and facts rather than rejecting the truth, who have high peak experiences, and are relatively tolerant of
themselves and others. It seems that humans have a natural tendency toward self-actualization, in order to develop their potential, so that they feel an
enhanced sense of self. This natural tendency encourages a sense of equivalence within the person. An equivalence that gives the person a sense of
inner peacefulness.
Self-actualization is considered to be a more mature way of comprehending life as it unfolds. Self-actualized individuals seem to have a sense of purpose
for life, genuine interpersonal relationships that are meaningful in quality, not quantity, consequential activities, logical ways of thinking, ability to
identify with higher human values, and self-respect. Individuals functioning at this level seem to have moved beyond the ego-oriented needs of Maslow’
s hierarchy to identify more with their sense of higher self.
Further, self-actualized individuals tend to focus most of their time in the present. They have learned ways to cope with past memories that might
have been negative, letting go of the resentments and anger, or any other negative emotions related to these memories. They seem to see life as a
continuum, and seem to be more aware of how their life is unfolding and how it is evolving toward a profound purpose, resulting in a more logical
acceptance of what is to come. They seem to be more in tuned with reality as it unfolds rather than living in a fantasy world with unrealistic
expectations and constant struggle to satisfy basic needs.
Self-actualized people tend to have inner-directed, independent, and self-supportive behaviors. They seem to have less need for approval from other
people because they have found ways to accept themselves. They accept all of themselves, strengths or weaknesses, and have found a way to
understand that only with acceptance change is possible. They understand that no one can change though being in denial. They don’t function from
other people’s expectations and perceptions but only those of themselves. This does not mean that they are not concerned, and neither does it mean
that they are not connected with other peoples' matters, but it does mean that their decisions are made from their own core of consciousness. People
who have been able to get to this level of maturation follow their own inner vision, have fewer needs and attachments, are not very concerned with
results, have their own definition of what is productive for them, and are aware of the choices and the effect these choices have on them and the world.
In addition, they are willing to take responsible risks.
The main blockages to self-actualization are fear of challenge, irrational beliefs, and lack of knowledge about self and surroundings, and the inability to
apply the knowledge to make the self grow intellectually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To deal with the fear of challenges, we should
understand that, like all other emotions, fear in balanced form is useful for our survival and development. In the right capacity, fear is an emotion we
need, but too much of it can prevent us from doing things that might be necessary or productive for our life. It could also prevent us from doing things
that might seem uncertain or risky.
There are rational and irrational fears. For example, fear of snakes is a rational fear that keeps us safe from being hurt by them. However, we have to
learn ways to let go of our irrational fear. This can be accomplished by learning the root of the fear, visualizing how our life will change if we challenge
that irrational fear; challenging the irrationality with more rational ways of thinking, and finally with facing the fear. Reasonable fear is a necessity,
unreasonable fear is an obstruction.
When it comes to self-actualization, behaviors that go against the individual’s actualizing predisposition generate inadequacy in the sense of self.
Individuals sometimes use defenses to escape the fear or discomfort they may face in their lifetime. They may twist perceptions of reality to reduce
what they see as a threat, or they can act in ways that avoid becoming aware of the threatening experiences, for example, by ignoring or denying it. We
can see people who blame their failures on causes outside themselves while crediting themselves for their successes. These behaviors may lead to self-
handicapping strategies that prevent the individual from walking away from that which is unproductive, the comfort zone, and the zone that the
individual gets used to but is unhealthy for her. This by itself creates the inability to move up the ladder of being toward maturity.
Self actualizes are followers of their own essence and create a healthy life for themselves and as a result have the ability to give back more to the
world without even trying to do so.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Self Esteem
Someone who truly learns to know her/his Self, is more able to value her/his core being. This is where the concept of Self-esteem arises. In
psychology, Self-esteem or Self-worth is described as an individual’s subjective evaluation of herself. It includes both beliefs and emotions that are
related to the individual. A person with a healthy sense of self esteem starts to learn about himself and sees and accepts it as an entity with strengths,
weaknesses, potentials, and limitations. Self esteem is a basic human need and is essential to the progression in life. One would be able to find her/his
true value when s/he learns to acknowledge and discover the true meaning of being.
The sensation of deep emotions we feel occasionally can be engulfing. We are all in search of the meaning of life, one way or the other. As teenagers,
we start the process of forming our identity and we think of the meaning of life. Who are we, what is our role here, and many other deep questions.
Seeking for that one pathway that belongs to us. One that is not imitated, nor imposed, neither is it just a fantasy. It is a pathway that we've truly
come to love and understand because it belongs to us. We don't know were it may end, it seems continuous, but we feel like we belong there.
Therefore, even that sense of loneliness has a taste of joy to it because there is hope. A true hope stemming from knowledge.
Soruce: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Maslow's pyramid of needs
Maslow states that humans are motivated by unsatisfied needs and that certain lower needs need to be satisfied before higher needs can be attended. .
He said that the general needs of physiological, safety, love, and esteem have to meet and fulfilled before a person is able to act unselfishly. He
categorized these needs as deficiency needs. When a person is able to fulfill these basic needs, s/he continues to move up the ladder of growth toward
self actualization. The satisfaction of these needs are healthy while preventing their gratification without replacing them with something healthy may
create illness or evil acts in a person consciously or uncannily.
As a result, for adequate self discovery process, it is important that individuals understand which needs are active for them and what creates their
motivation in life in order to understand their intentions behind their behavior. This will help them get more in tuned with their unconscious mind.
Maslow's model indicates that basic, low-level needs such as physiological requirements and safety must be satisfied before higher-level needs such as
self-fulfillment are pursued. As depicted in this hierarchical diagram, sometimes called 'Maslow's Needs Pyramid' or 'Maslow's Needs Triangle', when a
need is satisfied it no longer motivates and the next higher need takes its place.
Level 1: Biological and Physiological needs. Basic life needs like air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, homeostasis, breathing, water, excretions, etc.
Level 2: Safety needs. Protection, security, order, law, limits, stability, personal security, financial security, health and well being, safety net against
accidents/illness and adverse impacts.
Level 3: Belonging and love needs. Family, affection, relationships, work group, social/cultural/religious groups, friendship, intimacy, having a
supportive and communicative groups to belong to, giving and receiving love.
Level 4: Esteems needs met by external factors. Achievement, status, responsibility, reputation, recognition, attention, social status.
Level 5: Esteems needs met by internal factors, accomplishment, self respect, inner sense of contentment with one’s self.
Level 6: Self Actualization. Personal growth and fulfillment, truth, justice, wisdom, meaning in life, peak experiences, energized, harmony, always
finding opportunities to grow, striving for full potential, awareness of self. According to Maslow, only 2% get to be here not because they cannot but
because they get stuck at fulfilling the lower needs.
Level 6 (deeper into it): Need for Aesthetics and knowledge. Maslow later added this as a part of self actualization but further down that level. .
Level 7: Self Transformation. This is where the individual experiences the ultimate state of inner liberation being free from the concept of "self" and
living from being connected to something bigger. This is where the individual gets free from anxious attachments, neediness, irrational thinking,
unbalanced emotions, impulses, and being dragged by the ego. Perhaps, something like what some of the prophets reported to have experienced.
It is important to note that this pyramid and the experiences related to each level are different for different individuals. Different individuals may be
capable of moving faster, slower, not at all, or jumping from one to the other depending on their unique personalities, abilities, limitations, strengths,
and innately born talents. In addition, some individuals have the ability to replace an unmet need with something positive to fulfill its empty feeling. It
all goes back to the concept of self awareness, self discovery, and finding that unique way that works for each individual. Carl Jung encourages self
realization which may change the process of self transformation. I have written extensively about Carl Jung and will add more to this website as time
goes by.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationship
In a relationship, whether it is a romantic one or parent/child or any other type, when there is any form of neglect or abuse, from mild to severe,
emotional, physical, or even sexual, there are consequences. Abuse or neglect by a family member seems like a betrayal of trust and an intrusion of
boundaries, which may damage the child’s feelings of having a safe environment. The fact we should consider is that abuse or neglect does not,
inescapably, lead to psychological and emotional issues, and there are many cases of people who have experienced these and have been able to find
helpful resources and healthy lifestyle patterns to overcome these difficulties.
There are a combination of factors, like predisposed personality traits, other support systems, and skills used by the individual to overcome these
issues, which can change the outcome of the abuse or neglect. Many individuals who have experienced neglect or abuse are able to live a healthy and
balanced life. But, for some, it may have intense outcomes that can lead to problems for the rest of their lives.
For example, feelings of powerlessness, loss of control, guilt, shame, isolation, loss of trust, which may lead to further problems in interpersonal
relationships and social functioning, depression, low self esteem, dissociative symptoms, flashbacks and nightmares, and physical symptoms. In
addition, self-destructive behaviors like smoking, drug abuse, unsafe sex, getting involved in abusive and controlling relationships, alcohol abuse, and
eating problems can be another consequence. Sometimes individuals with a history of childhood abuse or neglect may be unable to form intimate and
trusting relationships with others.
We, as humans, make self-regulating adjustments as a result of the overall situation. At some point, we might realize our personal responsibility, related
to the situations surrounding our lives, after becoming more aware. At other times, one may get stuck in the denial phase and not become aware of his
or her own responsibilities, therefore blaming everyone except himself or herself.
One factor to acknowledge is that we’re all trapped in webs of relationships. Surroundings affect us, and we affect our surroundings, one way or
another, directly or indirectly. To become more aware of our state of being and our relationship with our surroundings, we have to learn to experience
the present moment. We also experience our surroundings based on our old attitudes. The person should become aware of that. One has to learn to find
a balance between what’s happening in the context of the process, rather than content. One has to find a middle ground between actions, thoughts,
feelings at the present time, and what might be, was, should be, or ought to be. Awareness is, again, the key. It means that what we perceive, feel, and
how we behave are separate from how we interpret, explain, and judge the distinction between our direct experience and secondary (indirect)
interpretation. By learning to accept, it gets easier to let go of past baggage.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Negative and Harmful Acts:
With everything in life, there is much more than can be seen and has been discovered in this world. When it comes to hateful, harmful, and damaging
acts toward others, there are many reasons or combinations of reasons for them. The reasons range from unmet or unattended needs, an unhealthy
environment in which one has grown up, and, in some cases, some predisposed biological factors, which all lead a person to not be able to find his or
her role and place in life, causing confusion and distress. That sense of distress will be projected onto others, one way or another. This tendency
emerges from two systems in the brain. One is the emotional one. The other is the rational one.
Our emotional side usually causes a shortcut response to the problem and encourages immediate action, despite what the long term effects may be. It’s
impulsive and immature.
The rational side helps us calculate the situation rationally, comes up with a solution that consists of both short- and long-term effects, and has the
most productivity. Scientists don’t know how these two systems interact or why, sometimes, the two sides take contradictory courses of action.
Scientist also don’t know how the billions of the neurons in our brains are connected to one another. Until they figure this out, it will be hard for them
to understand how perception and behavior are formed. Scientists believe that they will be able to identify a common circuit for everyone, and figure
out the functions of specific neuronal pathways, hopefully in the near future. Everyone, however, has different synaptic connections that result from
the individual experience.
So, the base is the same, but may produce different reactions. The one thing that we know, working with clients and through our clinical work as
psychologists, is that humans have this extraordinary power to be in control of their emotions and thoughts, and even to change a habitual behavior.
That is true even if they were genetically pre-disposed to something. They are still given the power to change it. It may take a lot of effort and
determination to go about changing something that has become a part of us for so long, but once we get to a level of self-awareness, and realize the
effects in a more multifaceted fashion, we will become more dedicated to initiating the change. I would like, for one thing, to congratulate you for your
willingness and your awareness to go through the process. I should say that you have become a transformed person. I have truly enjoyed working with
you.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Defenses
Psychological defense mechanisms are an important aspect of a person’s mental growth that he or she must become familiar with. These are
psychological strategies that individuals use to cope with the reality of life, and to maintain their self-image in one piece. All of us use many different
defenses during our lifetimes but these become pathological if they’re used all the time, and lead to maladaptive behaviors that threaten the person’s
wellbeing. We have pathological, immature, neurotic, and mature types of defenses.
Pathological defenses are the those that prevent the person from being able to deal with a real threat and see reality clearly. An example of this would be
a person who is so deeply in denial that there is a problem; a controlling husband who says his marriage is “perfect,” an alcoholic who says he is not
addicted to alcohol, a person who keeps on making the same mistakes over and over again, destroying her or his life, and keeps on blaming everyone but
herself for the mistakes, etc. An immature type of defense is the one used in childhood and adolescence, but mostly discarded in adulthood, since they
may lead to socially unacceptable behavior. As children and teenagers we can’t see reality as it really is. We see the surface part of everything, people,
places etc. But as we grow, our ability to comprehend should be growing, if we’re being nurtured in a healthy environment.
The other type of defense, which is neurotic, is the one that does not deal with reality and can cause many problems in all areas of life, especially in
interrelationships and enjoying life. The last defense, which is the mature defense, is used by “mentally healthy” adults.
Let’s put them into levels according to severity of problems they may cause in the person. Then try to process it and reflect it back to yourself.
Level 1 defenses are the ones that are almost always pathological, because the person uses them to rearrange external reality so he or she won’t have to
deal with it. These are denial, distortion, and delusional projection. An example of denial is a person who refuses to accept reality. We see people who
deny they have a problem, despite the obvious signs of having one.
The next one is distortion, which is when someone reshapes external reality to meet internal needs. This would be a wife who is extremely unhappy in
her marriage, but will reshape her reality of what she sees in a way to be able to get some form of inner satisfaction.
In the next defense, delusional projection, one projects his or her inner blockages onto that of the other. This is a person who suffers from extreme anger
and sees everyone else threatening her in an angry way. This is called delusional, because it is, in its extreme forms. Before we go any further with this,
I want to ask what you think of this.
The second group of defense mechanisms includes fantasy, projection, hypochondria, and passive-aggressive behaviors. This group of defenses is used
by many adults and adolescents. If one just uses them every once in a while, these may adjust distress and anxiety imposed by other people or the real
world. For those who use these on a regular basis, they’re considered to be immature defenses, and lead to serious problems in the person’s ability to
cope with the real world.
In fantasy, people draw back into fantasy to resolve inner and outer conflicts. For example, these people would go into a made-up and imaginary world
to escape their problems, rather than concentrating on a solution. In projection, the person blames another for his feelings. Prejudice and severe jealousy
may come from this type of defense. In the passive-aggressive type of defense, which was what we assumed your ex-husband used a lot, the person
expresses his aggression toward another indirectly.
In the last defense, which is acting-out behavior, the person directly expresses an unconscious wish or impulse to avoid being conscious of the emotion
that goes with that impulse. For example, a person who is very angry and acts out in an angry way may have some very painful emotions that he’s
trying to hide, because he’s not ready to face them.
Then comes level three of the defense mechanisms. These are fairly common in adults, and many normally functioning adults use them. These may have
short-term benefits, but long-term problems in relationships and daily life, and enjoying life in general. These are intellectualization, repression, reaction
formation, displacement, and distortion.
Intellectualization is when one tries to separate oneself from emotions, thinking, not acting.
Repression is when the emotion is conscious but the idea that is behind it is absent. For example, “I’m feeling really sad, but I won’t think about it.”
Reaction formation is to act completely opposite from what one wants or feels, for example taking care of someone when you want to be taken care of.
This will or may work in short run, but will break down in the long run.
The other defense at this level is displacement, which is separating an emotion and redirecting the intense emotion toward someone or something that is
less unpleasant or threatening in order to avoid dealing with what is frightening or directly threatening.
Another defense is dissociation, which is a temporary and extreme adjustment of one’s personal identity or temperament to avoid emotional suffering.
Then there is the last level of defenses, which are common among the most mentally healthy adults. At this level, the individual can use these defenses
to master his pleasure and feelings, and to integrate many of the conflicting emotions and thoughts and still make them be effective. These are
sublimation, altruism, suppression, anticipation, and humor.
Sublimation is converting negative emotions into positive actions. This is an example of someone who turns his anger toward someone and does some
kind things for another person.
Altruism is when one gives constructive services to others that brings himself a sense of satisfaction.
Suppression is the conscious decision to postpone paying attention to an emotion or need in order to cope with the present reality, but then the
emotion is attended to and processed.
At a later time, anticipation is a realistic planning for future unpleasant events.
And humor is an over-expression of ideas and feelings that gives pleasure to others.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PsyD
Assertiveness
Just like the body’s immune system and how it functions; how its cells let in friendly cells, and they defend themselves against the enemy, how they
fight disease-causing bacteria. When one pays attention, one can’t help but notice that the immune system’s function is similar to the concept of
assertiveness in human psychology.
We say that a balanced human being attracts what is beneficial and resists what is harmful to him, or at least should learn to do so. Assertiveness is a
balanced form between aggressiveness and passiveness. An aggressive person may drive away many constructive elements and a passive person may be
a magnet for many harmful ones. But someone who learns to be assertive becomes skilled at knowing what to drive toward and what to drive away.
A person who wants to experience her true self, a person who wants to get rid of all deception, and one who wants to be liberated, actualized,
determined, and discover herself must learn to respect and express herself. For a person to learn to respect herself, she must learn her boundaries,
clarify them, and communicate them. Assertiveness is a tool for doing that.
There are basically three types of behavioral patterns that people use to relate to each other: Aggressive, passive, and assertive.
Aggression is related to dominance, wanting to take advantage of others, and crossing other people’s boundaries. Aggressiveness is when one expresses
her rights at the expense, deprivation, or embarrassment of another. Aggression can become emotionally or physically vigorous, not allowing the other
person’s rights to surface.
Passivity is submission to, and being invaded and devalued by others. Passivity happens when a person submits to another’s dominance behavior,
putting her own wishes and desires aside to pay attention to fulfilling the wishes and desires of the dominant partner.
However, assertiveness is the balanced form of the above two. Assertiveness is the ability for self-expression in healthy ways, without violating the
rights of others and crossing their boundaries. Assertiveness is a straight, open, and sincere communication, which helps the individual feel a sense of
self-enhancement, self-expression, and self-confidence. It also helps one to receive and give more respect. Expressing one’s thoughts and feelings in a
way that clearly communicates the person’s needs and intentions is a great way for a person to experience her true self. In order to be able to get
assertive, we must value ourselves. Being assertive is different than being selfish. Acting in selfish ways means that one is violating the rights of others,
which are destructive and aggressive acts instead of constructive and assertive ones.
In the following poem, Rumi seems to be describing healthy boundaries, self-respect, assertiveness, healthy relationships, selective association, being
knowledgeable about what we want, and having the ability to arrange our environment in a way that complements and is in harmony with our
intentions in life. This includes the ability to self-express and communicate our needs and wants in life.
Source: Roya Rohani Rad, MA, PysD
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free to pass these on to others with a reference to the source. All articles are copyright@2007 SelfKnowledgeBase
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article.
Self Actualization
Maslow's Pyramid of Needs and Growth
Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationship
Negative Acts
Psychological Defenses
Assertiveness
free to pass these on to others with a reference to the source. All articles are copyright@2007 SelfKnowledgeBase
& Foundation. Distribution is permitted for free educational purposes only. Click on the links below to read the
article.
Self Actualization
Maslow's Pyramid of Needs and Growth
Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationship
Negative Acts
Psychological Defenses
Assertiveness